Legacies and changing themes
Well, I’m changing up the theme here. It’s been green for long enough, so until I start customizing some things (and adding a blogroll!), it’s going to be red and white. No, I’m not looking for Christmas. Though it is cold today!
I’ve been thinking a lot about why I do what I do lately. I mean that in the broadest possible sense: why I eat, walk, have conversations, work. I do not mean it in a depressed or hopeless way. In fact, exactly the opposite: the last few weeks have been such an opportunity to celebrate my own hope that the world can be better.
Because, you see, that is why I do what I do. Whether it is getting out of bed in the morning, taking a walk, going to work — I do these things precisely because of my hope and faith that they will affect what comes next. I believe that, like dominoes, each thing I do will affect something further down the line. I believe that my actions can push us further on the road to equality and justice.
At the same time, what I do has been very much changed over the last few weeks. I am not a direct action person. I am not a particularly angry person, not a particularly passive person, just a person. I am inclined to plan for the future and hope for the best, but what I am ultimately is a facilitator. I lie to help others bring their ideas to fruition. My ideas? They are of the strategic sort. They are about how to help other people best succeed.
This has been a rather painful realization for me, because I feel that facilitators don’t leave legacies. While I am neither particularly angry nor passive, I am not a peaceful enough person to be thrilled with this. I want a legacy! And I want it to be fully mine, not just helping others shape their ideas into successes!
But, as someone said to me recently, it is what it is.
My next step is coming to peace with it.